Okay, this is mostly unrelated to post-baby fitness but I want to put it somewhere and this seems to be the best place for some reason. It's kind of a mini-vent/woe is me kind of post but I'm not sure anyone reads this blog anyway, so it doesn't matter. Haha! I have had this problem my whole life where I just suck at making friends and feel chronically alone. I'm the person who goes to a party hoping to meet new people, has a drink, watches everyone break off into groups who proceed to have a blast, and then I awkwardly leave. I make small talk, ask people how they are, etc., but there is something about me that people hate and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. I must be giving off some kind of crazy bitch asshole vibe that I am unaware of. I am missing the down-to-earth gene. I am horrendously introverted. I'm the person people will politely say hello to and then get away as quickly as possible. Maybe I smell? I assume my husband would tell me if I did, but maybe not? Anyway it's been like this for me for at least 15 years and I am out of ideas. Maybe it's because I'm not religious, I don't watch TV, I don't drink more than 1 drink because I hate being out of control, maybe there just isn't anything interesting enough about me that people want to be around? I don't know. But what I do know is that I mean well, I don't judge people, and I'm done trying to make friends. Unless someone can just tell me what is wrong with me so I can fix it, I'm going to just embrace my introverted self, love it, and enjoy being alone. I guess I can tie this to fitness because okay, I'm not dumb, I realize that no one cares if I run a mile in under 7 minutes or if I am back in a bikini. I know no one cares. Maybe I piss the hell out of people when I post about that stuff. It's just so I feel like I'm being held accountable, that's all. And in a crazy ideal world, I would meet others who want the same goals and we could support each other and cheer for each others' successes. But since there is that thing about me that people seem to hate, it's not quite working out that way. I'm pretty self-motivated though, so I can do without social media. I get no benefits whatsoever from putting myself out there and while some people are pretty nice to me, not one wants to actually be a friend. There is not one I would feel comfortable with joining in a group at a party or some kind of event. 15 years is long enough, so I'm done. I'm keeping facebook to see updates/schedule changes for Stroller Strong Moms and these blogs are really for me anyway, so I'm leaving it at that. I think I will be much happier this way and from the way it seems, so will everyone else I know. Cheers.
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