Lately this has been a struggle. A huge struggle. I can't find motivation anywhere. I'm keeping my running streak goal because it's a routine and I like to run. But life is overwhelming me in every other way. The kids, the house, the little things. I have so many things I want to do but always feel tired, always feel behind. I am not happy about my body yet so I know my work isn't done, but finding the motivation has been extremely difficult. I'm in a constant state of "hopefully tomorrow I'll do it" and it's been a lot of tomorrows. So I'm trying. I need a plan. I always need a plan. Insanity was great because it ended and it worked. It's the day-in-day-out and no hope for anything enjoyable in the years to come that is dragging me down. Parenting little kids is hard. You don't talk to anyone who listens to you for long periods of time. And you don't really sleep. And in the end what do you get? Well, alive children hopefully. But you still have to do laundry and dishes. And it's so mundane. So my head is a little buried right now and I'm trying to find the way out.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 44.4 lbs

Weight left to lose: 1.6 lbs

Fat %: 19.0

Muscle %: 40.2

Okay, I forgot to update this week and tomorrow is already 36 weeks so I will just post the pic and stats!

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost:  43.8 lbs

Weight left to lose: 2.2 lbs

Fat %: 18.9

Muscle %: 40.8

This week gutted me. It was mostly battling a toddler who is going through some lovely new phases combined with getting very little sleep. I did the bare minimum with exercise (run a mile a day) as well as the challenges I mentioned in last week's blog post, which altogether is no more than 10 minutes a day. What I have truly been missing is a long, sweaty, challenging workout! Like Stroller Strong Moms or a longer run. So as a result of not pushing myself combined with eating not so great (I'm always starving with breastfeeding!), I actually gained weight this week- gained fat and lost muscle. The worst of everything. So my goal this week is to improve in some way in all those areas. I plan to start the lifting plan tomorrow as well. Looking forward to a better week.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost:  41.6 lbs

Weight left to lose: 4.4 lbs

Fat %: 19.6

Muscle %: 40.2

This week was wacky. I started out the first couple days trying to count/cut calories. And it was so impossible! Maybe because I am still breast feeding quite a bit. But for the rest of the week I was absolutely starving, despite the fact that I was back to eating whatever/whenever I wanted. I am going to blame it on PMS (in addition to the dizziness, hot flashes, headaches, and other things that make me miserable monthly...) So with the binge-eating and bloating, it's no wonder I made zero progress. I need this week to take it easy. I'm doing a few challenges and running every day as well as attending SSM when I can, but I'm waiting a week to start the awesome lifting routine I got from this book:

In the meantime, here are the challenges. I am on Day 2.

Anyway, this week is a wild card. We'll see...

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 43.6 lbs

Weight left to lose: 2.4 lbs

Fat %: 19.0

Muscle %: 40.7

I sort of laughed to myself when I got on the scale this morning for my weekly weigh-in and I had gained back up to 2 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight. This journey has taught me that there is a lot of 2 steps forward-1 step back AND that when I take a break from heavy exercise and then get back into it, I ALWAYS gain at first. Also, according to the scale I only gained muscle, so that's not bad. I worked hard this week and am massively sore. I still struggle with water intake, so that is an ongoing challenge, but I think it could help everything. My workout week now includes distance running, sprinting, yoga, spinning, and Stroller Strong Moms (which satisfies my Plyo and lifting needs.) I feel good about it. We'll see how another week goes.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 43.8  lbs

Weight left to lose: 2.2 lbs

Fat %: 18.8

Muscle %: 41.1

This morning I did NOT feel like going to work out. I didn't go to bed until midnight and then Aurélia was up at 3:30 and then Ashton was up from 6am-on. My entire body was aching from the last two days of workouts and the sprints I did last night. While I was giving myself the daily morning pep talk to slither out of bed and take on another day with a full-energy 2 year old boy and an increasingly needy 7-month old girl, for a brief moment I wished I could just go to work. To be an adult, to be without kids, to do something ELSE. Of course that was a fleeting thought since today that just wasn't going to be the case, but then it occurred to me that while I was coming up with excuses not to go work out, I realized that working out can BE my job! Sure, I wasn't getting paid and I had to bring my kids with me, so it had none of the perks of a REAL job, but I realized that I could schedule it and MAKE myself go. Every day. Unless, as in a real job, one of the kids or I are deathly ill. So aside from that, I actually set an alarm, get ready, make myself be on time and treat it like I'm going to work. Yes, this is apparently how my brain functions, because it worked! And I feel amazing (still sore as Hell!) but better in every other way! So once again, I am tricking myself into a successful lifestyle and hey, I'm dumb enough to believe it. ;) Now if I can just apply the same psychology to cleaning my house and practicing violin, I'll be set for life!

Upon succeeding in my goal of losing all my pregnancy weight, I have been reflecting over the last 7 months. I remember feeling homicidal towards Jillian Michaels in her 30-Day Shred when she threatened her victims with the idea of bathing suit shopping. Or feeling completely defeated by the Insanity entourage and all of Shaun T's antics.

I have seen women react to post-pregnancy in two (healthy) different ways: 1) "I am a mom now, so it's not about me anymore. I have stretch marks, flabby skin, and I am larger than I was before my baby, but it was worth it and I am happy." 2) "I am grateful for this gift of my beautiful baby, but a happy, confident mom makes happy, confident children. I am embarrassed about how much my body has changed, so I am going to fix it so I can be happy about myself again."

There is NOTHING wrong with either of those ways of thinking. All that matters is that you are happy with yourself. If you want to change, then you can absolutely do it. I am definitely in the second category (obviously), but I do not judge those who are in the first. I have been enjoying working hard, getting some time to myself, sweating, and of course, losing the weight and feeling confident in my own skin again! I am no longer embarrassed in anything I wear. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I'm content now. I will keep working out for my own sanity and continuing muscle-toning, but I don't feel fat anymore. And you know what? I did it my way. I didn't diet, I didn't give up chocolate, I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. My body has been good to me. I still look forward to my daily workouts, but my only goals now are to sweat and enjoy myself.

I am very happy to report that I did it! I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight and now all I want to do is focus on tightening and maintaining. I have nine more weeks of this blog so I want to make the best of them.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 46.2 lbs

Weight left to lose: NONE

Fat %: 18.8

Muscle %: 40.6

I am a few days late on here because I'm on vacation!! Yay! This past week was absolutely terrible for me diet-wise. I ate like crap. And my attempts do drink more water started out great and dwindled away by the end. So this whole what goes in my mouth thing is becoming more of a focus. Also, I lost my motivation and pretty much only ran my 1 mile a day and did nothing else. This week on my trip I am doing the same, but it will be back into a strict regimen when I get home. No real changes in weight, BUT I decided to measure my height for the first time in 10+ years and somehow I am 5'4" instead of 5'2"! This is big because it means I am ALREADY under 20% body fat and I didn't even know it!! Pretty cool beans. So my main goal now is just to get back to pre-preg weight (soooooo close!) and look a little tighter and more toned.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 43.2lbs

Weight left to lose: 2.8lbs

Fat %: 19.2

Muscle %: 40.6

At least this week I didn't regress. I lost a tiny bit of weight and fat and gained a tiny bit of muscle. My workouts were a little more consistent, but not as much as I'd like. This week I'm going to focus on plyometrics, abs, Stroller Strong Moms, and getting my mile of running in every day. I'm also going to see how much water I can comfortably drink each day. I bought a gallon jug and I'm just pouring it into a glass, drinking, and refilling as the day goes on. I think that will help me in a lot of ways.

Also, while I would like to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight and lower, I'm also trying to shape my body into something much better than it was before I got pregnant so I realize my weight may not be the same. I have decided to focus on body fat %. Right now I am at 22% and my ultimate goal is 20%.

Total weight gained: 46 lbs

Weight lost: 42.8lbs

Weight left to lose: 3.2lbs

Fat %: 22.0

Muscle %: 39.6